Expert song and lyric critiques

Attention songwriters and lyricists – Order your expert song or lyric critiques for just $50 maximum

As you will see from our about page, within the Song Cabin are professional musicians, lyricists, songwriters and producers, or a combination of them all, who create and produce across many genres. They are responsible for our growing catalogue of commercially-exploitable songs.

Our combined knowledge and expertise can help with your product and develop the skills to take you closer to achieving your ambition to get your work recognised and make money from your music.

Critiques can take several forms, ranging from appraising a lyric only to critiquing your demos or produced songs, depending on what you want!

We will analyse your submissions, highlight their strengths and weaknesses and suggest ways in which the overall quality might be improved, to get you from “good” to commercially viable.

Here's how it works:

You send us your lyric or an MP3 of your song and you tell us what you’re seeking to achieve in terms of genre, feel, mood. We will send you our critique within 10 (UK) working days.

Our critiques will give you helpful guidance, but, alternatively, you could simply go direct to our Music Production service and have us take your lyrics/song by the horns and give you back a release-ready track! 

Get your music appraised by pros - song and lyric critiques

Examples of our music critiques

Lyric critique example

Click to view a lyric critique for ‘Closest Thing to Love’

Song critique examples

Click to view a song critique for ‘Words of Gold’

Click to view our song critique of ‘you’re a Woman’

Music production critique examples

Click to view our music production song critique for ‘Help Me’

Click to view our music production song critique for ‘Runnin”

Click to view our music production song critique for ‘Supernatural’

Music production critique examples

Click to view our music production song critique for ‘She’s a Supernatural’

Click to view our music production song critique for ’20 Stories Tall’

Click to view our music production song critique for ‘Thank you for the Rain’

Ghostwriting and more

The process in which The Song Cabin is involved might also involve what is known as “ghostwriting”, a process common in the music industry where writers, who remain anonymous, amend or write material for the primary composer, or artist. They are paid for their work, but the composer retains 100% of the copyright and other legal rights to their work. Our services might encompass ghostwriting where required, or might even occur in the context of the odd tweak to a lyric that we might recommend. Please enquire for pricing.

Additionally, we produce “lead sheets”, i.e. a musical score for the song. This can be ordered separately if required. Below is an example lead sheet we provided to a client for the song ‘Avalon Dream’.

The song ‘Avalon Dream’

Click to view the lead sheet for  ‘Avalon Dream’

​This is your opportunity to get professional help at whatever level to get you a radio-ready release. You chance to get on the road to:

  • Commercial recognition, streaming, radio play;
  • Taking your sound to release-ready;
  • Submitting your songs to pitching opportunities with confidence;
  • Having your songs used in TV/film/commercial, games etc. or by artists seeking new material;
  • Getting your first royalty cheque!
And by the way, if we at The Song Cabin feel that your material is of, or can be got to, a sufficient standard, we may offer you a slot in our own Music Catalogue, with the benefit of being part of an actively-marketed product. We may even invite you on to The Song Cabin team, whether as a writer, producer or even a provider of critiques! Indeed we are always looking for new talent, be you a writer, singer, instrumentalist and/or producer. Just get in touch.

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An example of a lyric critique

Song Title: The closest thing to love
Writer(s): Neil Murray

THE CLOSEST THING TO LOVE

it’s now or never; don’t close the door and walk away
if we can’t talk it out, I want to set the record straight
the shafts of sunlight that once lit up our younger days
have turned to twilight, but doesn’t mean that we have changed
and even when there’s nothing new to learn
the look in your eyes can still make me yearn
the way that you talk, the warmth of your embrace
you’re the closest thing to love that I’ve ever faced .
if I lost a fortune, you know I wouldn’t really mind
but if I lost your heart, I know that mine would break inside
so there are girls who want what we possess
still you’ve the pride of a lioness
and we may both have fallen far from grace
but you’re the closest thing to love that I’ve ever faced

ooh…. the closest thing to love.
Closest Thing To Perfect
It’s now or never – don’t close the door and walk away
If we can talk it out, I wanna set the record straight
The shafts of light that once lit up our days
Have turned to twilight, but have we changed?
If time’s an illusion, it can’t be too late

CH
There’s always something to learn
The look in your eyes still makes me yearn
And I still feel that love embrace
Is the closest thing to perfect that I – I’ve ever faced

If I lost all I have, you know I wouldn’t mind
But if I lost your love, I think I’d break inside
So many want what we possess
Living in pride with a lioness
We might have fallen from grace
But perfect is something that we can face

MIDDLE 8

All that I want, all that I need
Is someone and something worth fighting for
Not just anyone
Not a love that’s lost connection to having it all

CH

Track of The Closest Thing to Love
Lyric critique text

The writer stated that they envisaged a ballad or at least slow to moderate tempo with a wistful feel. The intent was to convey a loss of something but a feeling that things could be worked out. Also a sense of valuing the other person, hence the title.

The opening lines conveyed the sense of wanting to “set the record straight and also looked back at different times. However, in terms of lyrics that “scanned” well. i.e. might fit in with the meter of a songs, certain words seemed superfluous or might detract from that. Hence “shafts of sunlight” became “shafts of light”. “ But doesn’t mean that we have changed” looked clumsy and was shortened.

A slightly philosophical turn, perhaps more challenging turn of phrase was suggested in “If time’s an illusion, it can’t be too late”, leading to a defined chorus. The chorus used the lines “nothing new to learn” and “makes me yearn” even though they looked a bit hackneyed, but why stop at the closest thing to love? Why not go for the closest thing to perfect? An even greater superlative if one was aiming at communicating with the other person, “perfect” embracing not only love, but the two lives together in all respects.

The approach to the second verse was similar, losing certain words which seemed to interfere with the meter and certain references, for example “there are girls”, which looked a bit disparaging.

“You’ve the pride of a lioness” was an interesting image but a bit of one-way praise. The pride concept was twisted a bit by reference to pride of lions but now imparted togetherness and sounded cleverer from a lyrical point of view.

What looks like the chorus section, the four lines ending in the title words, is in the nature of a narrative style of chorus with a final resolving line, rather than a single repeated phrase (as in “All You Need Is Love). That is fine, as long as the words fir the meter and the resolving line ultimately link to the resolving chords and the musical length of the final line.

Finally, as the song appeared to be verse/chorus, verse/chorus, i.e. and ABAB structure, a middle 8 was suggested to give the potential song a more varied ABABCB structure, which could also have been shortened to ABACB.

For completeness we have added the song which was ultimately produced from the original lyrical starting point and the aim of the song from a genre and stylistic standpoint.. The customer was delighted!

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An example of a song critique

Song Title: Words of Gold V1
Writer(s): Peter Last

WORDS OF GOLD v1

As I wandered through the pages in the book of old
Came upon a passage lit in words of gold
Read a story ‘bout a baby born to change the world
How angels came from heaven’s gate with wings unfurled

Babe grew to be a messenger of peace and love
Said the truth was waiting for us in the light above
All the people gathered round him like a holy star
From the villages of Galilee both near and far

He saw some of them were hungry for they had no bread
Said with these five loaves and fishes you will all be fed
Said I’m here to tell you all about the living light
It can guide you back to freedom on the darkest night

He fought against the devil in the desert sand
Refused temptations power with his holy hand
Said every mans my brother though I walk alone
And If you follow in my footsteps I will lead you home

He could walk upon the water, turn it into wine
Said everything I have is yours if you’ll be mine
Said every mans’ my brother though I walk alone
And if you follow in my footsteps I will lead you home

Said every mans’ my brother though I walk alone
And If you follow in my footsteps I will lead you home

Track before song critique

Here's an example of one of our song critiques

Overall impression / Commercial Appeal

General Impression :

Immediately this jumps out as a traditional hymn, and the story unfolds well and logically.

Commercial Appeal :

Not so many traditional hymns are being written these days, so it’s probably a niche market. Saying that, people like Graham Kendrick do still offer songs like this now and they are well received.

Who suited for :

I could easily see this being used in a religious or worship setting

Lyrical content

Title:

​It’s a good title, but we only hear it once. ‘Every man’s my brother’ would possibly make an even stronger title as this is repeated several times.

Song Structure:

It’s a traditional hymn structure, just verses. The tag line on each verse works well as a mini chorus. Unusual to have a guitar solo these days, but it does work to break up the structure and add interest.

Opening lines:

Works well with ‘As I wandered…’ because it already painting a picture of what is to come and draws you into the song to see what happens next.

Imagery:

Imagery is biblical which makes complete sense for the song.

Rhyme Schemes:

Very straightforward rhyming couplets which is strictly applied through the song.

Lyrical hooks:

None used, but I would not expect to hear those in this kind of song.

Language:

Matches the song content well.

Word flow / metre:

Although there is a lot of information being delivered the words flow well. Probably more of a performance song rather than a congregational piece – just simply because the amount of words in the verses.

Development of story:

The story flows well and develops without any unexpected twists.
Production

Intro, Chorus hit, Length:

Short intro, which is good – no hanging around waiting for it to get going. The tag line comes very early at 0:24 so if the title change is adopted as suggested above, that works very well to get the title into peoples minds. The overall song is very short at 2:23, but again for this style this is possibly not an issue. See arrangement notes.

Melodic Contour:

The melody is very static throughout. This could be because there is so much information being delivered in each verse, it’s hard to get a moving melody (conjunct), or jumps (disjunct) into the tune.

Rhythm / pace:

Good pace – enough time to sing the words. The rhythm is very similar all the way through because of the structure. Perhaps consider altering this for the tag line to add interest.

Prosody:

It sounds happy and upbeat which matches the song content, good job.

Instrument choice:

​Acoustic guitar and drums works well, I would add bass to give it some further depth.

Vocal Performance:

It’s simple, not the world’s best performance, and the backing vocals are a little loose in timing in places. Suggest using a session singer if you wanted to release this.

Tension / Release /
Arrangement:

As effectively there is only one section type: verse, its trickier to get this into it. I think having the strong tag line in each verse with the title in it greatly helps the song have a satisfying conclusion in each verse as the song progresses. Not essential, but perhaps consider adding a bridge or middle eight section to add some variation – this could have a slightly different rhyme scheme, a more disjunct melody or different rhythm on the guitar to add some further interest.

Effects:

Non apparent.

Mix / Production quality:

It comes across as a very basic demo. The drums lack clarity and punch. There are some timing issues (e.g. around 1:54). All tracks need some EQ attention and some compression, reverb etc added to really glue the song together and make it sound great. The demo does an excellent job of conveying the song though, and would be a good start as a guide for a professionally produced record.
Suggestions for improvement

Arrangement changes:

It’s absolutely fine for a traditional hymn style song. If you wanted to make it more interesting or longer, consider changing the rhythm for the tag line or even adding a bridge / middle 8 to add some interest and variation.

Lyrical Changes:

No issues with the lyrical content.

Production changes:

Possibly the acoustic guitar is okay to re-use, but consider re-recording everything, and making sure all instruments and vocals stay in time to the drums or click track.

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An example of a song critique

Song Title: You’re a woman
Writer(s): Unknown

Track before song critique

Here's an example of one of our song critiques

Overall impression / Commercial Appeal

General Impression :

Feels very catchy and upbeat, however it’s a very overused theme lyrically.

Commercial Appeal :

Its light and pop based, but needs a new angle for the story in my opinion to give it more wider commercial appeal. It’s a very male orientated lyric.

Who suited for :

I could imagine a young boy band or a K-Pop or J-Pop band singing this.
Lyrical content

Title:

The file is called “You’re a Woman”, but the song info says it’s called “Home-coming Queen”. From the chorus I would also have said its called Home-coming Queen. The title “You’re a woman” does describe the song better especially with the verse 1 idea that she has just turned 16. This song will really only work with this title if the singer is also young otherwise it could sound creepy.

Song Structure:

V, Ch Structure works very well, and I like the B chorus parts and breakdown / bridge section. Really adds interest to the song

Opening lines:

I suggest you need to think about how this song is perceived by who is singing it and from the perspective of the girl / woman being sung about. The opening lines might be seen as a little creepy – why have you got here phone number and photograph, but don’t seem to know her!?

Imagery:

The chorus introduces new imagery of a home-coming queen, the beach, American, rings. I feel that too much is added here that isn’t a natural conclusion of where the verse has taken us. The imagery is dropped in verse2 more for feelings, again which almost come from nowhere in terms of the storyline.

Rhyme Schemes:

This is mainly present as alternate rhyming lines in the chorus. This helps the chorus to be catchy.

Lyrical hooks:

This is chiefly “You’re a woman” which strengthens the title in our minds. The B chorus (1:07) just needs to be more confident with the sung melodies. Again during the breakdown part at around 2:15 I really like the melodic sung section – just needs to be stronger and more confident on what is being sung.

Language:

The language use is consistent with the song throughout, so good job.

Word flow / metre:

The words flow pleasantly through the whole song, no issues for the singer or tricky parts to song – again good work.

Development of story:

A vast distance is covered – from not knowing her, to a dream of marrying her. I feel this is too great a distance for a single song, and the song would work better for focusing on a shorter section of the developing relationship
Production

Intro, Chorus hit, Length:

Intro is great because we hear the melodic hook from the chorus, so it’s already helping to get that into our minds, first chorus hits at 0:50 which is perfect for today’s pop market. Overall song length is again just right.

Melodic Contour:

Good use of a static melody in the verse where the story is being told, a moving melody (conjunct) in the chorus which makes it singable and catchy. Some elements of a more spikey melody in the bridge / breakdown section. Overall works well in my opinion.

Rhythm / pace:

Just right, no issues. The drum pattern could be a little more interesting in the chorus – more fills perhaps.

Prosody:

Happy, upbeat which keeps the song light.

Instrument choice:

Sounds great for the song, perhaps a little dated in terms of some of the software instruments used – a little 80’s in places, but that may be what you were aiming at.

Vocal Performance:

In my opinion, this really needs to be replaced by a younger male singer. The current vocal has some rougher edges which don’t fit this type of song. Regardless of who ends up singing, it needs to sound “young”.

Tension / Release /
Arrangement:

The song really works well in building into the choruses. The bridge / breakdown section came as a little surprise, maybe just work on how that arrives and how the song flows into that. Overall structure of the song is perfect, love the B choruses, and the second half of the bridge.

Effects:

The B chorus section vocals could be placed so they are more in the background, maybe some more reverb and delay. Difficult to say with current vocal.

Mix / Production quality:

Generally pretty good. Not a full radio ready production, as there could be some more polishing of the general EQ and levels – drums felt a little overpowering in places. It feels generally like a demo version that could be used to pitch to an artist / band.
Suggestions for improvement

Arrangement changes:

Look at how the bridge / breakdown section is introduced – it felt quite a step change

Lyrical Changes:

This is the main area of work needed in my opinion – suggest you think more about the chorus and what message you are trying to get across there. Is the song about a home-coming queen or is it more of a coming of age song / teenage falling in love song. The chorus needs to be clear on that. The verses need to support the chorus in terms of the story flow. I would focus the song on one aspect alone, and not try to move the plot line too far through the song.

Production changes:

I would think about what current artist you want to sing this song, and listen to their records. Adjust what you have to sound more like that. Use similar instruments to their songs etc.

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An example of a Music Production critique

Song Title: Help me

Track before critique
Track after critique and music production
Full music production critique example

A look at what the writer said about the demo submitted revealed where his roots were. He wanted old school, maybe a touch of late Beatles. The chord progression suggested that – think “I Want You, He’s So Heavy” on Abbey Road.

He admitted that it was a demo, done on Cubase. We commented that the guitar progression sounded a bit midi, and of course the drums and other instrumentation lacked dynamics because of that – more a basic music production observation than relating to the song itself.

Regarding the song, it was a solid structure, intro motif, verse, chorus, plus middle 8. Lyrically, it told a story (probably personal) so nothing to crit there other than where any lyrics might interfere with the sonics.

We thought that the stop before the chorus, whilst a technique, might be enhanced with a vocal carry. Also that the “Help Me” sustained line might sit as a backing for an actual lyrical chorus, with a lead vocal over the top.

For a late Beatles feel, we suggested different voice, and key, though the tempo seemed about right for that style.

We suggested some funky instrumentation in the middle 8 to vary the tone, an old school mellotron or similar, to give it the wistful feel that the lyrics suggested.

The song which was actually released can be heard here. You can see the differences that our observations made when implemented!

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An example of a MUSIC PRODUCTION critique

Song Title: Runnin’
Artist(s): Neil Murray

Track before critique
Track after critique and music production
Music production critique example

Title: Runnin’

Not keen on the heavy breathing in the intro. 

The opening synth bass riff reminded me of ‘Don’t You Want Me’ by The Human League. This vintage sound is much in demand by Music Supervisors at the moment.

Another overlaid lead motif might make the intro more of a musical statement. A tad long maybe?

The verse vocal is pretty good. There is another vocal an octave down from the lead (as per Squeeze) that is distracting the ear away from the lead.

The drums are a little indistinct especially the kick.

The pre-chorus “everybody stops” call and reply section works well. The mute guitar and hi hat should be removed from that section though. I also feel the vocal needs to be extended towards the chorus.

Even though the level is higher the chorus lacks impact as it comes in. A riser leading into it might help maybe followed by a faller or crash when the chorus hits.

The sustained ‘run-in’ backing vocals work well but they’re too heavily processed making them indistinct. They sound like a pad. I like the way they fade into the post chorus section though.

There’s a low theremin type synth sound that doesn’t quite fit in the chorus. Apart from these things the chorus works quite well. 

There are some interesting ideas in the second verse. Perhaps too many. It feels a bit disjointed and has lost its way a little. Maybe the second verse should drop in intensity but build as it approaches the pre chorus.

The final two choruses work quite well though there are some timing issues with the main vocal. Also the backing vocals sound slightly confused at 2.54. They seem to come in too early. The last and final chorus needs more to make it climax.

Tempo-wise, it seems slow at 110 bpm.

Resulting Production after Critique. 

Following our crit, the song then went through some compositional changes, which implemented some of our points, including, for example, the additional brass motif on the intro, a tempo change and changes to the second verse to create more symmetry. You can hear the results here!

Track after critique and music production

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An example of a Music Production critique

Song Title: Supernatural

Track before critique
Full music production critique example

There are a few problems with the production of ’Supernatural’.

The tambourine hit is too loud, harsh, dry and toppy especially against the more soothing backing vocals which work well. I would remove the tambourine altogether. Definitely remove the first hit if nothing else. It becomes distracting as the song progresses towards the drums.

The acoustic guitar sounds nicely recorded but I felt it should be a bit further forward in the mix, perhaps with less reverb on it. But the tambourine is obstructing it and everything else in fact.

The mix does sound very noisy. It sounds like there is some low level hiss coming through.

The vocal need quite a few tuning corrections.

As the drums come in they are triggering overall mix compression.

The actual drum pattern doesn’t really match the rest of the arrangement. It needs to have a more complex rhythm that has only one snare hit in each bar. The kick needs to be more varied also. The ride cymbal is distracting.

I would suggest also that the kit you use should be more acoustic sounding. The bass doesn’t seem connected to the drums (the kick in particular) which is pretty essential in a track such as this. 

I quite like the flutey voice in the background which does match the beat more.

The rhythm section works much better at 1.26.

On the whole it’s a good song but I would guess from the production it is one of your earlier attempts?

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An example of a Music Production critique

Song Title: She’s a Supernatural

Track before critique
Full music production critique example

There is quite bit of noise. I think it might be coming from the backing vocals.

The lead guitar or bass sound in the intro has a strange, slightly disconcerting sound to it. Too much reverb/delay and is too far back in the mix. It has a lack of mids I think. The timing of a couple of opening notes needs attention.

The piano is lacking some variation. It sounds like each note is at exactly the same volume each time the chord is played and also tightly quantised. It also lacks a few mid frequencies. Those mid frequencies later on might fight within the mix but in the intro you can get away with more.

Not keen on the kick sound and the drums. When they all come in they are over compressed. The snare doesn’t have enough body to sound like a snare. There is too much reverb.

For this lyric to work the vocal needs to be top notch both in timing and tuning especially during the intro. The backing vocals need to be equally as good to support it.

Like the bass.

The lead guitar isn’t quite working. Too much reverb/delay and maybe again not enough mids. It doesn’t sound confident enough for a solo instrument.

The arrangement is good and the song itself has potential.

Mastering.

I am guessing you have attempted to master at the same time as mixing. 

I would be interested in knowing for sure how you set up your projects before you start to add musical elements – before you start the mixing process.

I’m guessing you have a limiter and a compressor on your stereo output of your mix project? You may also have some kind of exciter plugin and maybe something for the bottom end? Or maybe you use a template?

If this is the case I would suggest removing any plugins on your ‘stereo out’ whilst you are in the process of recording, adding instruments and generally creating the mix of your song. 

Mastering is best done as a completely separate process. 

Oh, and don’t believe anyone who says ‘you can’t master your own material’.

Not true.

It’s not magic.

I can give you some pointers and advice about how to master your tracks if you need it.

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An example of a Music Production critique

Song Title: 20 Stories Tall

Track before critique
Full music production critique example

Great title! Great song.

This could be a fantastic track.

With a better production this could really show off the quality of your voice. Yes there are some tuning issues and a few delivery flaws but the vocal performance is something to be proud of. Reminded me of Randy Newman.

The piano arrangement/playing/programming is good but the piano voice is just a little underwhelming especially as it carries the track in the initial stages. It needs more definition I think. Perhaps a bit more top end and sparkle and maybe something else going on fx wise subtly in the background. Or maybe just a different piano.

The strings are exactly the right instruments to use and are used at exactly the right points. Unfortunately, as I’m sure you realise they don’t sound authentic enough. When they’re used in a sparse mix like this one they have to sound right. I think they need to build to a real orchestral crescendo. They need to be more central and wider.

They maybe could come in a bit earlier.

I liked the harmonies. I would have liked to have heard more. Some ooos and ahs would have worked as the track progressed.

The Santana style solo is good but needs more behind it.

Great emotion in your vocal towards the end.

Use reference tracks that are similar to the track you are working on. Keep checking your mix with the reference mix to give you an idea as to where things could be improved.

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An example of a Music Production critique

Song Title: Thank you for the rain

Track before critique
Full music production critique example

Firstly, it is so difficult to pull off something like this successfully. 

You’ve managed it. 

The minimalist backing works a treat and is daring but commercial at the same time. The organ and bass work great along with the melodic string type sounds. In parts they are at odds with each other but it works just the same, adding interest in such an open environment. The sound effects work well as well.

I do have a couple of suggestions.

The tambourine hit is very dry and rather stark against the atmospheric instrumentation. It definitely needs some reverb to blend it in to the backing more. You could also add some saturation to it to warm it up some. 

I would also be tempted to try a different voice. Something like a side stick snare, or more ethnic instrument like a bodhran.

Which ever you choose try to make it sound as though it’s real one with each hit being slightly different.

The other thing is the hi hat.

Similar to the tambourine really, it needs to be an acoustic hi hat. One that is multi sampled so each hit is slightly different just like a real one would be played by a drummer. You would need a shorter reverb on it than the tambourine. It might be worth trying a ride cymbal. Either way you would need to think about its tone. Saturation is the key here I think.

Your vocal is good too. It suits the ethereal mood you have gone for. If I was producing it there would be a few tuning errors I would tend to, but not many. 

The rain fx needs a longer tail in the mix. It cuts off slightly too quickly.

The ending cuts off abruptly. With a track this it should tail off into silence gradually and smoothly.

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An example of a song critique

Song Title: Words of Gold V1
Writer(s): Peter Last

WORDS OF GOLD v1

As I wandered through the pages in the book of old
Came upon a passage lit in words of gold
Read a story ‘bout a baby born to change the world
How angels came from heaven’s gate with wings unfurled

Babe grew to be a messenger of peace and love
Said the truth was waiting for us in the light above
All the people gathered round him like a holy star
From the villages of Galilee both near and far

He saw some of them were hungry for they had no bread
Said with these five loaves and fishes you will all be fed
Said I’m here to tell you all about the living light
It can guide you back to freedom on the darkest night

He fought against the devil in the desert sand
Refused temptations power with his holy hand
Said every mans my brother though I walk alone
And If you all do as I do I will lead you home

He could walk upon the water, turn it into wine
Said everything I have is yours if you’ll be mine
Said every mans’ my brother though I walk alone
And if you all do as I do I will lead you home

Said every mans’ my brother though I walk alone
And If you all do as I do I will lead you home

Overall impression / Commercial Appeal

General Impression :

General Impression Immediately this jumps out as a traditional hymn, and the story unfolds well and logically.

Commercial Appeal :

Not so many traditional hymns are being written these days, so its probably a niche market. Saying that, people like Graham Kendrick do still offer songs like this now and they are well received.

Who suited for :

I could easily see this being used in a religious or worship setting

Lyrical content

Title:

It’s a good title, but we only hear it once. The alternative title offered “..Lead you home” could work well as a tag on each verse. ‘Every mans my brother’ would possibly make a stronger title.

Song Structure:

It’s a traditional hymn structure, just verses. No issue with that for this style. Only thing I noticed was that the first two verses don’t appear in the vocal provided? Was that deliberate?

Opening lines:

The song makes more sense to begin at the line ‘As I wandered…’ rather than at the ‘He saw some of…’ otherwise we might wonder who ‘He’ is.

Imagery:

Imagery is biblical which makes complete sense for the song.

Rhyme Schemes:

Very straightforward rhyming couplets which is strictly applied through the song.

Lyrical hooks:

Not really applicable for this style of song.

Language:

Matches the song content well.

Word flow / metre:

The words flow well, possibly a little too many words in places, there is a lot of information to get across.

Development of story:

The story flows well when the first two verses are included.

Production

Intro, Chorus hit, Length:

Not applicable, just a vocal.

Melodic Contour:

The melody is very static throughout. This could be because there is so much information being delivered in each verse, its hard to get a moving melody (conjunct), or jumps (disjunct) into the tune. Possibly consider reducing some of the words but keep the story.

Rhythm / pace:

Perhaps a little too fast, the recording has the last 3.5 verses recorded 4 times! Slowing it down will help get a melodic element into it, and still not extend the song length too greatly.

Prosody:

Not applicable, just a vocal.

Instrument choice:

Not applicable, just a vocal.

Vocal Performance:

I am assuming this was only meant to be a guide vocal.

Tension / Release /
Arrangement:

As effectively there is only one section type: verse, its trickier to get this into it. I think having a strong tag line in each verse with the title in it will greatly help the song have a satisfying conclusion in each verse as the song progresses.

Effects:

Not applicable, just a vocal.

Mix / Production quality:

Not applicable, just a vocal.

Suggestions for improvement

Arrangement changes:

Absolutely fine for a traditional hymn style song.

Lyrical Changes:

My only suggestion would be to see if the line lengths could be shortened to help with the flow.

Production changes:

I would suggest look at some of the old hymns and see how they
capture the message and also have melodic elements to them as well.

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